Hehe I wanna Australian kiss.. Its like a French kiss but down under ;)
I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
Randomize
