I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
Pavlovs bj experiment 2012. Welcome to the program.
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
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