So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
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