just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
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