you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
Redeem this text for a blowjob
There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
Is it a problem that I find my wife's 16 year old niece sexy?
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
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