So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
Randomize
