we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
Randomize
