I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
Randomize
