Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
that may or may not have been my penis.
Randomize
