Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
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