Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize
