Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
He lets me throw up in him even if i do it mistakeily- erica talking about the toilet
**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
You had me at "let me see your balls"
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
Randomize
