HIV tests are more positive than that guy
You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
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