dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
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