hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
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