My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
Randomize
