Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
Randomize
