that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
where are you?
Hypothermia
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
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