walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
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I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
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Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
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