Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
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