What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
I can feel your judgement through the phone
Randomize
