after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
well what is some mechanical horse racing with out blow involved
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
Randomize
