she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
Randomize
