in my opinion joe jonas is kinda pointless. hes just the pretty boy front runner.
i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
Randomize
