Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
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