i just went dwnstairs and there are 5 guys without their shirts on hugging each other. i think i should leave now
He told me they were just razor bumps!
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
I went to an adult Halloween party last night dressed as Mrs. Doubtfire, but I woke up on a stranger's couch surrounded by sleeping children in karate gi's. And I accidentally flushed my granny wig mid-puke, so if they wake up I'm gonna have to convince them that I'm just a weird older man and not a terrible cross dresser.
How did you come to this point in your life?
Good bartenders.
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
Randomize
