Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
Randomize
