Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
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Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
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Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
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