Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
Let's paint friendship bongs
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
Randomize
