This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
Randomize
