her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
So J keeps drinking his last bit of drink, then spitting it out and drinks it again. Savor the flavor?
just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
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