i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
Joe is yelling at the trees again.
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
Randomize
