I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
Randomize
