So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
We succumbed to passion, and then he had to go meet his girlfriend. End of story.
I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
Randomize
