it actually wasnt that awkward...i planned on saying hello and walking away..then she asked if i wanted to go to lunch and i looked at her chest and said absolutely
Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
Randomize
