there's paper in my vomit.
Why do all fat girls have "that smell"?
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
Randomize
