Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
tuscaloosa is terrifying
like people here are just empty shells of drugs and sin
there is no mercy here
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
Randomize
