Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
He's a Shit stain on my heart
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
Randomize
