Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
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