I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
S and I had anal without a condom because I'm on my rag but he didn't finish. Should I still take Plan B?
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
Randomize
