We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
Randomize
