walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
Randomize
