I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
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