And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
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You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I want to be your penis for a week.
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
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