I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
Randomize
