so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize
