shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
Why does Jon Cryer have a career?
That is a good question.
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
Randomize
