White coat. Heels.
If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
Teacher vividly described one of the times he did shrooms, sat down, sighed, and told everyone to go do drugs and let us out 15 minutes into class. I love community colleges
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
Randomize
