tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
its like think what a normal person would think but completely the opposite.
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
Randomize
