i don't know how boys match. i think shoes & belt are the only thing. it doesn't matter. i just know if they look stupid.
i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
Randomize
