I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
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