somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
then he tried to convert me to islam
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
We don't watch enough power rangers
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
Randomize
