i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
if I was a wizard from waverly place we wouldn't b having these problems
he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
Look, I know why you're asking me, but just because I'm gay does not make me a wiki on butt sex. Ask a doctor or you know, the internet like everyone else.
Randomize
