Mike is offhisass drunk and just sat down next to my sister and said "If you gained 30 pounds and stopped reading poetry, I would be attracted to you. Now, your little sister, attractive, even though she's basically the same person as you- she just pulls it off better because she's 15."
I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
I obviously couldn't but this on your fbook wall. I would get judge. I would willingly get tbagged by him. You can quote me on that.
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
Randomize
