letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
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