i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
Randomize
