Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
Randomize
