why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Randomize
