One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
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