I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
it's ok, no one ever died fom being sticky.
i've gotta research that and get back to you.
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
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