so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
I know man...but i cant pass up a catholic school girl fantasy
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Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
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When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
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