My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
kool aid jammers and 151...our childhood has officially been corrupted.
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
Randomize
