and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
Randomize
