I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
I'm naked and wearing a cowbell.i love med school.
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
Randomize
