apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
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Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
Vodka?
Forever.
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I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
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