Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
where are my eyebrows?
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
Randomize
